Tips for a more peaceful divorce
It is possible to divorce peacefully! Try these tips for a more peaceful divorce.
Divorce Mediator & Attorney
- Practice limited to mediation divorce since 2012
- 1988 Juris Doctor degree, Dickinson School of Law
- 1988 Attorney & Counsellor at Law, Pennsylvania Bar
- Active attorney license PA52681
- Member of Academy of Professional Family Mediators
- Member of Pennsylvania Council of Mediators
- Member of Association for Conflict Resolution
The peaceful divorce tips, below, are especially useful when spouses try divorce mediation. Divorce mediation is discussing and deciding divorce terms with help from a mediator. In Pennsylvania, about 9 in 10 divorcing couples who try mediation divorce peacefully—without setting foot in court. Learn more about divorce mediation.
Talk with your spouse more peacefully
- Talk without blaming : Avoid blame when you are talking with your spouse about divorce—even if you feel angry or righteous. Blaming makes a peaceful divorce less likely.
- Don't make threats : Don't threaten to go court. Avoid talk about hiring a divorce lawyer to fight. Apologize right away if a threat slips out. Keep to the path of peaceful divorce.
- Talk about the future : Avoid getting stuck talking about past wrongs. Focus on what you will do—or try to do—in the future.
- Save difficult issues for mediation : A divorce mediator will help you talk with your spouse about difficult topics. Talking with an impartial mediator helps 9 in 10 couples divorce peacefully.
52 South Duke St, York PA 17401
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Try these listening skills for a more peaceful divorce:
- Listen to understand : Listen deeply to your spouse, to really understand what they are saying. Attentive listening can also help your spouse to feel heard—to feel understood—which has a calming effect.
- Listen without judging : Try using your compassion instead of judging right and wrong in your divorce.
- Listen without reacting : Let your body language be as peaceful and non-threatening as possible.
Let go of anger
Anger leads to bad things in divorce. Anger makes us say and do things just to punish our spouse. This feeds a cycle of growing anger and defensiveness in both spouses.
Anger is like picking up a hot coal and throwing it at the other person—it burns both people. When spouses realize anger is the real enemy in divorce, the cycle of bad karma can stop.
“As a full-time divorce mediator, I am committed to helping spouses stay on—or find—a path of peace. I believe a peaceful divorce is possible, even under difficult circumstances.”
Anger drives up the emotional and financial cost of divorce for everyone. Meeting with an experienced divorce mediator helps spouses let go of anger and focus on completing a divorce more peacefully and at lower cost.
Take care of yourself
Peace starts within. Be sure to restore joy, compassion, kindness and balance in your body and mind every day—don't wait until the divorce is over. Here are some ideas:
- Exercise a little more
- Laugh a lot more
- Practice compassion by helping someone else who is in need
- Deepen your spiritual practice
- Learn something new, try something new
- Get enough rest
- Release addictions
“Please take good care of yourself! I hope this website helps you and your spouse find a peaceful path forward. I also invite you to visit Dann Johns, divorce mediator on Facebook for inspiring memes and insightful articles.”
Wishing you much peace and well-being!
Is divorce mediation right for your Pennsylvania divorce?
Consider sharing this website with your spouse. If both of you are interested in divorce mediation, the next step is to schedule a divorce mediation consultation with Dann Johns, Divorce Mediator & Attorney.
- Content updated 2017-08-28
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