Three tips for a more peaceful divorce mediation
Have a more peaceful divorce mediation by knowing how to:
In each moment we have a chance to make our words, thoughts, and lives more peaceful.
How to talk more peacefully in divorce mediation
- Talk without blaming. Avoid blame when talking with your husband or wife—even if you feel angry or righteous. Blaming makes a peaceful divorce less likely.
- Don't make threats. Don't threaten to go to court. Avoid talk about hiring a divorce lawyer to fight. Apologize right away if a threat slips out. Keep to the path of peace!
- Talk about the future. Avoid getting stuck in the rut of arguing about past wrongs. Focus on what you will do—or try to do—in the future.
- Save difficult issues for mediation sessions. In divorce mediation, a mediator helps divorcing spouses discuss the tough topics. In my office, 9 in 10 divorcing couples reach agreement on even the hardest issues.
Listening is important too! Try these listening skills for a more peaceful mediation divorce:
- Listen to understand. Listen deeply to your spouse, to really understand what they are saying. Attentive listening helps them to feel heard—to feel understood—which has a calming effect.
- Listen without judging. Try using your compassion instead of judging right and wrong. This is especially useful for divorcing parents.
- Listen without reacting. Let your body language be as peaceful and non-threatening as possible. Be aware of your facial expressions.
How to let go of anger in divorce mediation
Anger leads to bad things in divorce. It makes us say and do things just to punish our spouse. This feeds a cycle of growing anger and defensiveness in divorcing spouses. Expensive courtroom divorces often are fueled by anger.
Anger is like a hot coal that we pick up to throw at the other person—it burns both of us. When divorcing wives and husbands see this truth, they can let go of anger right away.
❝As a full-time divorce mediator, I am committed to helping spouses and parents stay on—or find—their path of peace. I believe a peaceful divorce is possible even under difficult circumstances.❞
Nobody wants to be angry forever. It is up to each of us to decide how long to hold on to anger. Letting go of anger is a gift we give ourselves.
Trying mediation can help divorcing husbands and wives let go of anger. In divorce mediation we focus on problem solving, which tends to calm strong emotions. A peaceful, patient, and impartial mediator helps to keep discussions between spouses as productive as possible.
How to restore inner peace in a mediation divorce
Peace starts with you. Be sure to restore joy, compassion, kindness, and balance in your body and mind every day—don't wait until the divorce is done. Here are some ideas to try:
- exercise a bit more
- laugh a lot more
- practice compassion by helping someone else who is in need
- deepen your spiritual practice
- learn / try something new
- get enough rest
- release addictions
❝Please take good care of yourself! I hope my website helps you and your spouse find a peaceful path forward.❞
A peaceful divorce is possible!